Is this me making excuses? I'm not sure. This past year has been godawful and as a result a lack of creative output has followed. Things have got to me and made me feel like I'm not capable of anything and the idea of throwing it all away has been very, very tempting. I think at the beginning of the second year of my degree I was at a loss of what to do and I was stuck for a while.
However this dry spell wore off and I created something that I was moderately pleased with. Then things went awry for a number of reasons, neither of which were my fault but these things have a way of making it seem so.
Psychologically my head is a mess, I think. I've toyed with the idea of changing my place of study, switching my course, jacking it all in and getting a job. I'm fairly certain that neither of the options would make me happy and would make true the statement that I'm "incapable of anything," as I was told by someone. The statement probably worsened the state I was in, but then I considered the person who said it and looked at their position in life; I'd happily say they haven't made much of it and that they're a horrible and callous person. Nobody should be told that they're "incapable of anything". It's a disgusting thing to say and it really affects people, but I seem to be getting back on track now.
I'm looking forward to summer, finishing my second year and moving onto the third. I can safely say that the time out will be much needed and very benefitial for me. As long as I get a pass for this year I'll be happy and I know it hasn't been easy and I'm not fully to blame for the disasters that have occurred.
I'm going to stick out this degree until the end and finish what I've been working for, hopefully I'll get to where I want to be.