The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

 I watched TV for the first time in a long time the other week. It was Gogglebox, so it gave me a rundown of what people who watch TV have been watching. There was Health Check UK, and How Clean Is Your House? Coronavirus Edition. Isn't that sad? That if watching the news isn't bad enough then the programmes on TV are filling you with a sense of despair, dread, and fear just to make sure you're really feeling it. I seldom engage with the news, apart from the US Presidential Debate which is pretty fascinating. Four years and the best that could be found is Joe Biden? Really? How Coronavirus is terrible except if it affects someone who the media have told you is bad and then they were asking for it, they deserve it and it was their fault? I'm not all that thrilled with the direction the world is going in, but at least if somebody's politics don't agree with mine I don't wish them harm. You might want to sort that out, you're going in the wrong direction with that one. Finding joy or revelling in anybody elses suffering is disgusting, regardless of who they are. Is this what we have become? If you're supposed to be the good guys then I'd hate to see the bad guys.

The Blues Are Still Blue

I always thought this would happen, but I didn't expect it to end like this. I think it's very bad to harbour hate. To assume somebody means or thinks something because they don't say it is very dangerous, and is jumping to extreme and worrying conclusions. Being for the same goal but having very different ways of obtaining that goal is not a reason to distance yourself from someone or cut that person from your life. I have experienced a lot within my life and know that I have absolutely no control on how others see me or what they think of me, or what they think they think of me. Over time I have built up a resilience to other people's opinions and judgements to the point that they very rarely affect me, for better or for worse it has made me into a confident person who is very aware of themselves. I always strive to be as kind, considerate and as helpful as possible. Of course I have moments and times where I do something stupid or say something I haven't necessarily considered or thought about, but I know that if I am guilty for such a thing I will apologise and acknowledge that I was wrong. It's part of being human and so is forgiveness. I have found being open and honest incredibly enriching and beneficial to my life, I very rarely feel regret and will always seek to forgive somebody and try to see things from their point of view. We all have different perspectives and perceptions of the world and it's important to know that each one of us has a different take on things, a uniqueness that makes us individual but also within that we have our flaws.

Write It On Your Skin

I know it will never happen, but I would love people just to take a minute or two and look at their behaviour. Are they consuming themselves with somebody else's life? They should make more time for their own and allow other people to live theirs. After all the only thing you have within your power to change is yourself, that's it. It actually is as simple as that. I often ponder how things are constantly building up until people are so overwhelmed they have no time for who they are, what they want. For instance the ridiculous expectations that people are under to become a "better ally" (what even is that?). Or how what's in the news or various movements is asking for their participation. When do you have time for you? Or can you not just be who you are without constantly worrying about what you do or say. We all mess up, we all make mistakes, we've all said and done stupid stuff, and guess what? We're gonna keep saying and doing stupid stuff because we're human. There is no instruction booklet so stop acting as if there is. We can apologise and ask for forgiveness, but most importantly we can listen and learn. Just be you.

Slight of Hand

I'm surprised but I shouldn't be surprised, Shrodinger's surprise. Jenna Marbles has stopped making comedy because she doesn't want to offend anybody. How can you not offend anybody? You can't because offense is subjective. The Mighty Boosh is racist because of the Spirit of Jazz, The League of Gentleman is also racist - not to mention both are transphobic. It's all too easy to look at things now and see them as problematic. The past can't fight back, is this why we're going after it rather than dealing with problems we can actually do something about? At the beginning of the Coronavirus saga I said I didn't want to live in an overly sanitized world and this is what I was actually getting at.

I was speaking with a friend about this. My position is that voice actors are hired for their skill and how they sound. It isn't to do with their skin colour. The beauty of animation is you can be whoever or whatever you want to be. They said a trans person should play a trans person, I agree, as a POC should play a POC if it's live-action. I'm still baffled why the leading actress in Memoirs of a Geisha was Chinese and not Japanese. It just seems casting only black people for a black person role in animation is very limiting, and it restricts diversity. I want everyone to have equal opportunities regardless of race, background, sexuality, or gender.

If the problem lies with casting, we need to tackle that issue. If it's racial stereotypes, let's face that issue. Having someone the same as the animated character they're voicing poses a lot more problems than it solves. Now the argument should be that the casting need to do more to get POC and other groups to apply for these positions absolutely. But you can't give someone a role based on the colour of their skin.

Two other things which I've seen this week is that the Christopher Columbus' statue was removed, great work guys, the KKK also never wanted that statue erected in the first place - you've basically finished what they started. Protesters are calling for the Lincoln Emancipation statue in Boston to be removed. This is the statue that was paid for by people who were formerly enslaved to celebrate their emancipation, and if you actually looked up the definition of emancipation and the history of the statue...  but no, Shaun King posted a rather cleverly angled photo saying the statue shows a slave was being petted like a dog, but if you look up the statue you can actually see that's far from what it portrays. People are all too willing to believe things that they don't actually look into, or think for themselves. It's as if we live in a world where you can't instantly access this information.

This is the image Shaun King posted, accompanied by the caption "Yeah. Even this statue of Lincoln needs to come down. Like he’s petting a damn dog. Every racist statue must come down."

Here is what the statue actually looks like.

By the way Homer Simpson is yellow and he's voiced by a white actor.

ACAB

Not "all cops are bastards" because by going by that logic we inturn have to then also agree with the other claims said about all Muslims and all priests. If we are to tar everybody with the same brush we better make sure everybody gets covered. It's incredible just how blinded people can be when they think what they are doing is right. I can completely understand the anger and frustration, I want rid of the bad guys just as much. The difference is I'm prepared to view things rationally and logically, and see both sides of the coin before I flip it. Anarchy is attractive, who wouldn't want to do what they want and answer to no one? However, let's be realistic, we've built a society on laws which are there to make us somewhat civilized. Let's be respectful of what works and challenge what doesn't, before we reach a point of no return.

Swapping an Artefact for an Artefact of the Same Weight

Thoughts on the Black Lives Matter movement.

I have always stood against hatred of any kind, this includes racism. I feel that fighting prejudice with prejudice (i.e. the terms "White Privilege" and "White Fragility") is not the way to deal with things. Repackaging prejudice and to continue to use it doesn't seem productive. I'm not a fan of this new way of sticking people into categories based on their skin colour. I much prefer to see people on the content of their character.

This is not me saying racism doesn't exist because it does. This isn't me saying police brutality doesn't exist because it does. This isn't me denying that in some circumstances people have made allowances based on skin colour.

I want everyone to have equal opportunities regardless of race, background, sexuality, or gender.

The movement itself is problematic. For instance we have seen a leap from police brutality, to bringing down statues, to removing TV shows and voice actors, to Shaun King calling for the removal of white Jesus, to now it would seem people running with the whole thing that the country side is racist, if you do Veganism in the wrong way you're a white supremacist, and the UK branch are putting some things out there that could be classed as anti-Semitic. In years gone by the BLM UK have said the climate crisis is racist, and the suffragettes also wanted White Power. I feel before I align myself with a movement I need to see what they're about, and from what I've seen I'm not onboard with it. I am however all for what they stand for in terms of abolishing racism, making sure we're educated in schools about our colonial pasts, and that there is more history regarding POC taught in the curriculum. It just seems their views have escalated along the way.

I have a massive respect for all of my friends who are standing up against racism and for every inch of inequality that there is. I am proud I know so many wonderful and caring people. I personally just can't get onboard with a movement which doesn't sit right with me.

For this view I am seen as a racist. Now, I understand racism to mean the hatred of somebody based on their ethnicity. As far as I'm aware words still have meaning. So before branding someone a racist ask yourself "Is this person disagreeing with my point of view?" or "Is this person expressing a hatred toward somebody based on their ethnicity?" because there is a difference. It makes me wonder how if knowing me throughout the years and the person that I am is now not important whatsoever, but the view how I want everyone to be equal and respected for who they are (a view I have held for a very long time) is now such a controversial and evil thing, that expressing it earns me the label of a racist. It's as if the person I am is no longer important, but the view I hold because I disagree with a dubious movement is now what defines me. 

PSA

Take from this what you will. One of the things I’ve found most beneficial for my mental health is not looking at the news. Some people may say you need to know what's going on in the world, you don't. You can call this selfish, you can call it ignorance, but why continue to look at something that upsets you. Yes, the news has a place and a purpose, but it isn’t useful or helpful to consume it constantly. You can call me crazy, but I think it would be nice to live in a world where someone losing weight is not front page news.

What I've found helpful is only taking a quick glimpse at the news, sort of getting what you want and need from it. For me it’s seeing if things have sorted out, me looking at news is becoming less of a thing by the day and it honestly is making such a positive difference. As soon as I begin to feel angry, agitated, sad, depressed, or confused I immediately stop and look away. Maybe this is a defence mechanism, but it’s a very helpful one. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not detached from reality, no matter how appealing that may be - I still have a need to care and love. I just find the constant confusion and contradicting headlines to be too much. Why add confusion into the mix if you’re already feeling sad, anxious, and depressed?
____________________________________________

In regards to the recent events that being the murder of George Floyd. Everybody is now devoting their time to combating racism and the movement that is Black Lives Matter, whilst also damning every person who chimes in with "...but all lives matter." So many people are approaching this whole thing in such a wrong way, being dismissive and confrontational. Rather than saying they acknowledge the fact all people do matter, but the thing is we live in a world where black people are still being oppressed, persecuted, killed, and judged purely on the colour of their skin. Until we show that black lives matter, we are far from being able to state all lives matter and for it to actually mean anything. All lives do matter, of course they do, but at the moment in our current system it is shown that they don't.

It's lovely that so many people are now all of a sudden enthused with destroying racism, and the eradication of police brutality. It's great they can just muster up this energy, activism, and passion when it's in the news - didn't see it before, it was nowhere to be found. Well, it did make an appearance in 2015 when Michael Brown was killed by a police officer. Before dwindling away to wherever it goes only to resurface once it's back in the news. It was only last year that it was climate changes turn in the spotlight with Extinction Rebellion championing the cause, who used sticking themselves to things with super glue in order to be heard.

Another thing people like to do is when you point out that the riots and looting aren't the best way to go about doing things, they take umbridge with it. Because to me burning buildings, smashing things, and endangering countless lives is violence. Adding violence to violence amplifies violence, and that isn't productive. People will hark back to the Stonewall Riots, but here's the thing they didn't have the technology we had back then. In order to spread awareness, and draw attention perhaps riots were needed? Now we have the internet and the spread of information has never been easier. Because look how effective and useful the riots and looting were last time - spoiler alert, they weren't. Hence we have the same thing happening again, you need to adapt and change if you want to see any progress. Don't do the same things as before if they didn't work, it doesn't make any sense.

Also in terms of looting, people will argue the fact you're more outraged about objects and buildings than the murder of a man, as if you can't be angry about two things at once. They'll say "They're only things, they can be replaced." Okay, so the next time a house is robbed shall we tell the victims "They're only things, they can be replaced." What people aren't seeing is the fact that people have no doubt spent a lot of time, effort, money, blood, sweat, and tears to create their businesses in order for it all to be taken away from them.

I have never done groups or movements, I'm more concerned with my own limitations, and what I can do as a human being - the difference I can make and the impact I can have. These past few days I have glanced a bit more frequently at the news and found my mood has plummeted, so it's time to take a break from that.

Hashtag

I've been thinking about this today. I read a post this morning which I found interesting, that the black squares under the #BlackLivesMatter is erasing the space used for organisers to share resources. I'm always looking at these social media movements more closely because I remember Kony 2012 and how it struck me as off from the get go. I think in place of the black square should be some research that that person has done or learnt for themselves, after all we are doing this in order to resonate the message that Black Lives Matter. We need to stand together as one, because after all racism has no place in our society or anywhere. We should embrace, respect, and celebrate each another.

Looking on Instagram under the hashtags #blacklivesmatter and #blackouttuesday has now become a sea of blackness without context or meaning. Obviously it meant well, we are all upset and angry over the death of George Floyd and we want justice to be served. Police brutality and racism still exist, and it needs to end. The most effective way to combat and challenge racism is through education, racism is a learned behaviour and it can be unlearned. None of us are born racist, or hating and judging another human being. These behaviours are passed on, maybe it's through ignorance, perhaps it's the fact nobody has ever questioned that person's views.

We are all beautiful and unique in our own individual way. We are diverse and interesting and we should celebrate the things that make us, us.

As wonderful as it is that so many people are a part of this social media movement, and it's amazing how much awareness it has spread. I feel all of those black squares are a missed opportunity to showcase and really hammer home the point that racism should absolutely not be tolerated.

A Sobering Thought

I gave up drinking alcohol on 29th February this year. It had nothing to do with it being a leap year, and without really knowing it I'd been massively cutting down for a while - if not, trying to give up entirely without actually acknowledging it. This isn't a post telling people what to do, because I seem to have a problem with people being told what to do and that's something I'd never do.

Anyway, all I really wanted to share was the benefits I've seen and experienced as I really didn't expect anything to come from this. I've come to realise that emotions are somewhat repressed when it comes to alcohol - we drink when we're happy, we drink when we're sad, we drink to celebrate, we drink to commiserate, we drink to forget, we drink to cope. However, when we drink it makes us not fully experience the emotions we're feeling and we turn to alcohol whenever we begin to feel these emotions.

Since giving up I've become a lot more focused, I've started making art again which for the past four years I haven't drawn anything. I've begun eating much better and looking after my body. I feel a hell of a lot less stress, I'm not angry or anxious, I feel a lot more positive, I can think with clarity, and process my feelings, and I genuinely feel happy. I'm not saying it's solved everything, but it's solved a lot - enough for me to notice a difference.

I wasn't an alcoholic, but it was something I didn't have control over. I've experienced the damage alcohol can cause, and can still see how problematic it is and can be for people. When I reflect on my upbringing I can see where alcoholism can lead, and seeing those same traits in myself makes me wonder. When I drank it was a case of not drinking at all, or drinking a ridiculous amount - there was no inbetween or compromise. I also know if I began drinking because of what is going on in the world, I wouldn't stop.

Ways of coping without alcohol that help me are making art, talking, reading, listening to music, cooking, watching films or a series, learning, walking, excercise, thinking, and writing. Now I know a lot of people can drink in moderation and responsibly and that is brilliant, but if you can't I'd just like you to know there is help, things to do, alternatives, resources, and people to talk to.

As a means of coping and a bit of an aside, I have found when it comes to social media and the news the most benefitial thing you can possibly do for yourself is, as soon as you feel a negative emotion (anger, sadness, frustration, low self-worth, etc.) is immediately stop what you're reading, or watching. The news and social media can be a horrible trigger and being aware of your own limitations as a human being and knowing what is worth worrying about can really work wonders.

Spirited Away

I began this blog nine years ago. It was made to fill a certain criteria for the course I was studying at the time. Very soon after creating it I realised that I really enjoyed having an outlet for my creativity, whatever it was I was thinking or doing at the time always had a home in this blog.

It must have been as I was coming to the end of my degree, three years after starting this that I just stopped updating it. Perhaps it had just run its course, maybe having an underactive thyroid that was undiagnosed at the time had just taken the motivation out of me, it could have been that I simply didn't feel creative anymore, regardless of the reason this blog became neglected and forgotten for six years.

When I think about what has happened in the last six years it's a hell of a lot, far too much to write in this one post. I've still wrote, taken pictures, and had my hand in creating things, it just never made its way here where it belonged.

The reason I'm writing this on here now is in some way an attempt to get me to write more for a purpose, to motivate me and inspire me to get back to being the person who loved to create these posts no matter what they were, or if anybody saw them at all. The truth is I love writing and I feel I have something to say, and the ability to say it in such a way that people enjoy reading it. I may not draw, illustrate, or paint as much as I used to but there is still a part of me that needs to express what I'm feeling, thinking, and experiencing.

It's the first of January 2019, I've drank a really strong coffee and I'm finding it difficult to get to sleep. I've just moved into a new house and at present the only bedding I have is a fitted sheet, a crochet blanket, and two jackets which are my pillows for this evening. In no way am I complaining, I've slept in slight variations of this in the Summer. However, moving house on New Year's Day when the shops close early and you could do with buying bedding is probably something I'll pass on in the future.

This also seems like as good a time as any to bring back this blog and get me to write again. I have no idea what's going to follow, but let's just see what happens.